The Weekly Rot

I’m hearing that men are the new women. I heard that red is the new black though. I think this means we have to heave out our black jerseys and shoes and coats and underpants and buy red ones instead. Red gumboots? Those haute couture people don’t know much. Red trousers are fine if you’re the Little Riding Hood girl but not for the rest of us.

Someone in our staffroom whinged that ‘it’ all went wrong when education became a right not a privilege. A mother had been on the phone because her daughter had sent a text message from assembly complaining about her maths teacher.

Someone else said something about education being an obligation and that because the law says they have to be at school they resent it – like when the boss says I have to wear a tie.

So the Minister flew off to the US to get some advice about how to attract more teachers into our schools. Guess jolly what... she was told that the government should pay more. You just can’t get quality advice like that in NZ.

And like the plastic toy at McDonalds, she got this freebie – prospective teachers with a Masters degree should go straight into employment and learn as they go. I bet she flew back from Washington in First Class feeling very satisfied. The pate de fois gras and champagne and chocolate truffles may have helped the feeling along.

Some think the increase in playground violence is because parents (and teachers) can’t use corporal punishment. How stupid are they to say that?

We have laws that say we can’t hit each other – something to do with assault. Killing each other is wrong too. So teachers and parents hitting children can’t ever be right.

Teacher-training institutes will be asked to improve training in behaviour management – apparently.

Several decades ago my Teachers College class asked to visit St Mary’s in Hanmer – not for us to dry out but for us soon-to-be-teachers to learn something about kids with addiction problems, and alcohol and drug abuse. We were told we had to learn about multi-culturalism. We rebelled and went anyway and were stunned to learn just how many kids were abusing drugs and alcohol and how young they were.

What fun – the government’s now decided that school principals need training. I’ve had a few thoughts along these lines myself, over the years, about what school principals should do. The jumping into lakes and off cliffs and under buses – they weren’t serious suggestions though, really.

The first, biggest, most important and loudest thing that bosses learn to do is say ‘thank you’.

A Board of Trustees has a policy on rats’ tails?

I’m not against dress codes, guidelines or policies. I even support schools having uniforms. But all the while remembering that schools’ first priority is to teach kids to read.

There was the boy in our school who had a T-shirt with a Nikesque swoosh that looked like a sperm and the words ‘Just did it’. But no big deal. Take the T-shirt off, turn it inside out or go home. We had a culture of wanting to be at school and learn and so he wore his shirt inside out.

Was it the McKinsey crowd who said, “The quality of a rugby team cannot exceed the quality of its players”? It was John Key who said we all have to rally around the All Blacks now, as long as they win in 2011. That could be seen by some as a country-call for a group hug but I don’t think so. I hope not.

About 300 students cheated in their NCEAs last year. Apparently that’s bad but surely they can make it positive and give some credits for it – ‘the student can solve problems in a creative or collaborative manner’ or ‘the student can use small technology in his or her pocket to overcome socio-cultural obstacles’ or ‘the student can draw anatomically correct stick-people and apply them to the current economic crisis’.

Self-care. On planes they tell me to fit my own oxygen mask before helping children. This is because if I die I can’t help the children. It’s the same in school. If the teacher is ill or stressed or dead then helping the kids can’t happen.

Teacher self-care lessons will be about: assertive communication especially with ninny parents, eating and drinking sensibly, maintaining professional relationships with the kids (be friendly, don’t be a friend), being organised and prepared, sleeping on a comfy mattress…