“Not fair? Really?

Year 9 Matthew walked towards me, shirt untucked, mocking the school rules. “Tuck your shirt in,” I said. He did but he surled like a surly teenage boy.

Five minutes later, outside, Year 9 Matthew’s shirt was untucked again. His shirt had got wet, he explained with sincerity, when he went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He’d untucked it to let it dry. “If your shirt was tucked into your trousers, how could it possibly have got wet? Go to the Hall, sit in the sun and let your shirt dry.”

The next day Year 9 Matthew’s mother called wanting to know why he’d had a detention. I explained. “Yes,” she said, “I can’t stand it when he goes to school looking like that, with his shirt untucked”. My eyes hurt as they rolled backwards and I hurt my forehead as I slapped it. And it hurts to suppress swear words.

“If you don’t like him dressing like that why don’t you do something about it?”

“It’s not that easy,” she said.

“It’s as easy as ‘tuck-your-shirt-in-or-hand-over-the-mobile-phone’. And while we’re talking, I’m noticing that Matthew wears the same shirt every day. It’s unhygienic for him to be wearing the same shirt every day. Does he change his socks and underwear as infrequently? And not wanting to sound too pedantic but his shirt doesn’t ever look ironed.”

“I know, I hate it. It drives me crazy. But what can I do?”

“Teach him how to use the washing machine and iron. And while I have you on the phone, Matthew was away from school on Monday and Wednesday and he was late to school yesterday and today. Is there a problem at home causing this?”

“No. He’s just not a morning person. He stays up late on the computer. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Take the computer’s power cable away. Is there anything else?”

“Um, yes. Matthew was very upset that he had to sit in the hall yesterday. He didn’t think it was fair.”

“Not fair? Really? What a coincidence, because I was also thinking about not-fair things. Barrack being given the Nobel Peace Prize when the US is bombing and shooting the bejeebers out of the Afghans and Iraqis and sending aid money to a few other ratbag governments so they can bomb the bejeebers out of their neighbours. And the situation in Darfur where the people don’t know what feeling safe feels like anymore. And the people in the Pacific who just lost their homes and family. And Alzheimers and schizophrenia. And small children being abducted. These things are not fair.”

— Peter Giddens