Would you believe it… teens actually want Mum & Dad around!

An opinion piece by Tim Sisarich – Director, Focus on the Family (NZ)

This txtng, MTV generation of teens are a breed of their own, and here at Focus on the Family, we’re talking with a lot of parents who are struggling to connect with them in a way that gets past the bombardment of the multimedia-filled world they live in.

Society seems to want to give our teens more and more space to “be whatever they want to be”.

We as parents are expected to get over onto the sidelines with open wallets to fund their expressions of life and living. But the reality of what organisations like Focus on the Family are seeing is heart-broken parents picking up the pieces of the shattered lives of their kids.

Kids who are left with no self-worth and no dignity. Research released last year by the Australian Childhood Foundation clearly found that self-confidence and self-identity are the biggest issues facing our teens.

So who are our teens supposed to turn to if they worry about what other people think of them or they hate the way they look.

I believe that the real needs of teens today can only be met by Mum and Dad. But don’t take my word for it, listen to the kids themselves…

MTV conducted a seven-month survey of nearly 1,300 young people aged 13 to 24-years-old called The Youth Happiness Study.

The number one thing these kids said made them happy is spending time with their families. Almost three quarters of those surveyed said that they find happiness through a relationship with their parents and most say their parents are their heroes.

This is what teens told MTV! You are a hero to that kid who locks themselves away in the dungeon of a bedroom and communicates to you in a series of grunts!

If that’s the case, then why are parents not encouraged to take that role of mentor to our children? Could it be that our values and dreams are out of touch with those of our children? I don’t think so, listen to what they told MTV…

The same values that we grew up with like a faith, marriage and children are all top priorities, according to the same Youth Happiness Study. Almost two thirds said that it was a dream to stay married to the same partner for life.

It would appear that a nurturing family environment is the most important thing we can offer our kids. Money, cars, fame, friends, ‘good times’ – none of those things matter as much to them as knowing they are loved and protected at home.

Doctor James Dobson, in his book Bringing Up Boys, said that according to The US-based National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, the presence of parents is beneficial at four key times of the day – early morning, after school, dinner time and bedtime.

He went on to say that, “When that regular contact is combined with other shared activities between parents and kids, the most positive outcome is achieved. The researchers also observed that adolescents who felt a sense of connection with their parents (feelings of warmth, love and caring) were least likely to engage in harmful behaviour.”

The most obvious question that comes up here is, “How on earth can I make the time to be with my kids around the clock… can’t I have a life?”

And the answer to that is simply this – where are our priorities?

Our kids are telling us that their biggest struggles are self-image and self-esteem and that we are the most trusted source of influence. Why wouldn’t we want to carve out the time? Isn’t the investment in your teen’s life worth it?

As Doctor Dobson says, in Bringing Up Boys, “We can’t put a price tag on our child’s life.”